The walker

Back to it - will take it slowly and see how it goes.

Christine and the queens - The Walker.

Sunflower

I haven't been on my bike for a while, and after riding today my body feels especially tired.  Despite wanting to relish the drop in temperatures outdoors, I just ended up holing up and watching Netflix.  

Shannon Purser - Sunflower.

Dakota

My running schedule is now decidedly concentrated on longer runs, and it has been a way of experiencing NYC anew, and showing it to my wife, who has joined me on the longer runs.  We paused here, partially out of exhaustion, and because the scene was so painterly, almost impressionistic.  I play tour guide, and point to the twin towers of the Eldorado building.  Strawberry fields is in our line of vision, with the Dakota building tucked behind on 72nd, where John Lennon was shot.  

At the office, I find myself eschewing actual work to plan out different, fantastical routes, crossing bridges that I have yet to so on foot, scouting locations I have not been in for at least 20 years.  I find that places that my mom used to take me to, like Roosevelt Island, are accessible via pedestrian bridge.  The city also reveals its shortcomings - the waterfront along the eastside unceremoniously breaks in Midtown, with the UN building coyly standing in close view.

Stereophonics - Dakota.

Soft sounds from another planet

Many of my conversations with my wife, and with others tend to land on career discussions, or about their jobs (usually dissatisfaction).  Maybe it's a function of my age and the age of my peers.  "I question my role everyday, I have no idea what I'm doing anymore..."  seems to be a common refrain.  My sister is also thinking about drastically changing her work situation to spend more time with her kids.

I know that I am actively pulling back my efforts, and being more measured in what I contribute to at work.  I also know that this is the prime of my career, a time in which I should seek aggressively to ascend.  There's a dissonance there, but I can't find a reason to justify the effort to further myself professionally.  I've been questioned at work about my motivations and why even decide to come in, when the perception is that I can be doing more elsewhere.  It's an enviable position, but I struggle to explain, and the words won't come.  I fear that I am lying to myself about my situation, and building complacency with what comes easy.    

I had a recent chat with my mentor about jobs and careers, and it focused on potential.  What happens to unrealized potential?  Is it considered squandered if efforts are not directed towards the most efficient return, but it generates some measure of happiness?    

Japanese breakfast - Soft sounds from another planet.

Transatlanticism

On the return from Portland, my wife thought it might be a good idea to ease back into New York City, so we went to Governor's Island for a bit of nature and remoteness from the city.  We came to a city still caked in a heat wave (though the temperatures on the island were moderated by the surrounding waters) and traversed by a declining transportation infrastructure, but at least on Governor's Island, we traveled on bikes, and from a distance, things still appeared to be magnificent.  Perhaps both of us, and me certainly, are looking for a way to reconcile with our current location.

Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism.

Intermission

On the presumption that this page gets very few eyes, and even fewer readership, this is more of a note and commitment to myself.  I will be using this space to handle a few edits, a Cabalist re-work of previous posts to string them together, to seek a better revelation. 

In my favorite book, Foucault's Pendulum, Eco wrote this:  

"Not that the incredulous person doesn't believe in anything. It's just that he doesn't believe in everything. Or he believes in one thing at a time. He believes a second thing only if it somehow follows from the first thing. He is nearsighted and methodical, avoiding wide horizons. If two things don't fit, but you believe both of them, thinking that somewhere, hidden, there must be a third thing that connects them, that's credulity."

As I re-write, I ask for your understanding and credulity. 

Nobody

A non-NYC post, and a bit of a pause, as I travel through Portland.

Mitski - Nobody.